Back in June, I wasn’t in a very good place mentally. Not only was I obsessively restricting my intake and trying to shrink myself as small as possible, but my depression was also in full force. Disordered eating and depression are not a nice mix to live with. I did the right thing by going back to therapy to try, once again, to climb out of the rabbit hole.
Fast forward three months and tomorrow is my final therapy session. After tomorrow, I’m on my own again, so I thought I would do a little catch-up post about how therapy has been this time around and how I feel about the future.
I’ve learned a lot about myself over the past three months. I have social anxiety that plays a much larger role in my life than I had once thought. My disordered eating is a coping mechanism for my low self-esteem, and I had unprocessed trauma from many years ago. So while I had been trying to simply tackle my disordered eating habits, I was barely scratching the surface of my real problems. That’s why therapy has been so helpful for me.
I’ve worked with my therapist for the past few months on processing the trauma and improving my self-esteem. As I was doing this, my eating became less of an issue and I found myself feeling comfortable in my own skin for the first time in too long.
What’s left now is the anxiety. I’ve never really believed that I have anxiety because I’ve never had an anxiety-attack, which was quite naïve of me really. It’s quite strange to admit that I do feel anxious and that my life is actually very limited because of it. The more we talked about it, the more I found myself saying “Oh, no I don’t do that because it makes me feel anxious…”
So going forward, that’s what I’m going to try and work on. I’ve decided that every week I’m going to set aside one hour for self-therapy. I’ll take myself off to a quiet room in the house, light some candles, meditate and then write down everything that I would tell a therapist if I was still having sessions. Once it’s all written down, I can go through it and reflect.
I’m also going to keep working on my self-esteem and keep pushing myself to do things that I’ve been avoiding for years. Hopefully this will be the start of a great journey where I’ll be happier, more confident and less anxious!