Welcome back to my 12 months of gratitude. We’re now halfway through the year and I can’t quite believe it.
June has been quite a rough month for me. I’ve relapsed and I’m once again struggling with an eating disorder, depression and a general low self-esteem. I won’t go into too much detail here because I’ve already written a blog post that describes how I’m feeling at the moment.
I think that gratitude is always important, but probably more so when you’re not feeling as happy as you would like to. In these times, focusing on gratitude can help to remind you of all of the good things you have in your life. Everyone has something that they can be grateful for, even if it seems small and insignificant to someone else.
Unfortunately, when you’re feeling low it somehow becomes quite difficult to find things that you’re grateful for because everything feels numb. But, with that said, I know I have a lot to smile about, even if I’m not feeling particularly sunny at the moment, so I’m still going to write my gratitude list for June.
1. Family, friends and colleagues
They have been my support network over the past month, even if I’ve felt alone at times. My work colleagues check in on me daily to see how I’m feeling, they offer their time and advice whenever I need it, and one colleague even made me eat when I was trying to starve myself.
My family have been kind and understanding, and they know how to strike the perfect balance between caring about me without being overbearing.
This support has been positive for me, and I don’t think I would have reached out to therapy if I had kept my problems to myself and suffered in silence.
I’ve always loved nature and I think this is actually the second time that it has made it’s way onto my gratitude list. When I feel overwhelmed, being around nature always calms me. Whether that’s listening to the birds when I’m lying in bed or watching a butterfly travelling between flowers, when I’m surrounded by nature it seems to put my own problems into perspective. I’ve started watching Planet Earth 2 again, and it’s the only time in the day when my mind stops racing with thoughts of food, weight, self-worth and criticism and instead I’m just focusing on enjoying what I’m seeing.
3. My strength
Not my physical strength, because honestly I struggle to lift bags of dog food at work most days! I’m talking here about my mental strength. Since relapsing, I’ve had a constant battle in my head between wanting to recover and wanting to give in. Even if I momentarily decide that I’m going to give in and let the eating disorder take control, it’s only a matter of hours before I’m fighting it again.
It’s exhausting to be battling this hard all the time, but I’m still somehow finding the strength to push forward and try recovery one more time. I’m grateful for that little spark in me that wants to fight.
That’s it for this month, I’m sorry it was a little bit bleak compared to my normal posts! What are you grateful for this month?