Good morning, I hope you’re all having a good day so far. I’ve spent my morning attending my therapy session and making plans for some short stories I would like to write.
I now have just one therapy session left before I have a four week break. During those four weeks I’m supposed to put everything I have learned into practice and hopefully make some big steps forward. Of course, if after those four weeks I feel like I need more help, I can go back.
Coming to the end of my first round of therapy has got me thinking, at what point will I feel able to say that I’m recovered?
I’ve read a lot of blog posts and news articles that clearly state that recovery is a life-long journey, meaning you never fully recover from an eating disorder. But for me, a life long battle against a relapse is just as bad as an eating disorder. I want full recovery, where I can put my experiences behind me, but use what I have learned to help others.
During the first session of therapy, my therapist asked me what a recovered Holly would look like? My answer was quite simple: she would be confident, she would be embracing all of her forgotten passions, food would no longer be a source of stress or sadness, it would be something to be enjoyed and to nourish my body. But most of all, recovered Holly would have a positive relationship with her body, where she doesn’t criticise it or look for the flaws.
In all honesty, I feel like I’m almost there. I’m holding back from saying I’m recovered for two reasons:
1. Even though things seem to be going well right now, I know from experience how quickly things can change. For me to say I’m recovered, these feelings need to be consistent for a good length of time.
2. At the back of my mind there is still the desire to lose weight. It’s nowhere near as dramatic as it has been, and it isn’t there all the time. But true recovery should be free from any weight restrictions.
I’m so close I can almost taste it, and I can’t wait for the day when I can write a blog post saying that I’m recovered and I’m moving forward. Hopefully it’s not far off now.