I haven’t written a blog post for weeks, and that’s because I’ve been struggling with some personal issues and needed some time to myself to figure a few things out.
I’ve debated about whether or not to write this post because I do want my blog to be a happy place, but at the same time there’s no point showing the highlights of my life if behind the scenes I’m a mess, which everyone is from time to time!
I’ve known for a few months now that something hasn’t been quite right with me. My eating has become disordered (again), and I’ve slipped back in to bad habits of binging, purging, restricting and fasting. For a while I thought I could fight it on my own, but really I was just in denial.
So last week I went to see my doctor, which is a huge deal for me. I managed to get one line out before I burst in to tears and had to take a quick breather before I could continue. But the doctor was kind and understanding and it was reassuring to hear from a professional that I’m a healthy weight.
I’m back on antidepressants, which I’m not ashamed to admit because they really help! They also suppress the urge to binge, so for the past week I’ve been doing much better. I’m also on a waiting list for cognitive behavioural therapy which should help me change my thoughts towards food.
I’ve taken some practical steps on my own – I’ve hidden my bathroom scales and avoided weighing myself for two weeks. I’ve deleted most of my social media so I’m not bombarded with ‘perfect’ bodies and I’m making a conscious effort to focus on my recovery.
That’s about it really for this blog post. Sorry it was a bit glum, but I felt the need to share it, I don’t want to gloss over how I’m feeling by pretending everything is fine.